hmmm.... maybe u would wonder why i chose this title. But im really torn in between things. I try to relax as much as i could. but i cant. maybe im emo maybe im not. just cried out my heart to my mum...and now i suppose shes having a headache now.... sorry... I really dun like sec 3 life.... there are really too much things tested these few days.... i cant bear with it anymore. Things like friendship, results and own character and endurance.
Most of you all would know wad i mean abt friendship ba.... and who im refering to. I really dunno le.... Yesterday really was a huge test for me. And i really wanted to give up on that friendship...... i know it sounds cruel but.... i really have to. Its to tiring for me and i feel like im collapsing.
The day before, i just told her i need some time to steady myself, to make myself stronger, so to be able to support, encourage her when she really needs help. But what she did yesterday to me.... is ...too ....not nice.
Dun ask me whether i will forgive her or not becos i dun noe the answer myself. I wan to continue to trust her, befriend her, hug her, support her. But.... I cant really understand why she did that to me..... if i've been more stuuborn, i would wait for her in the mrt station from 7.3o am until she comes.
But luckily i didnt. I went off my own to orchard mrt for cip without her. I felt seriously being stabbed in the back and front with a pen knife.... torturing, eating my iinsides...i know it sounds gross.... but i dunno how to describe it as it was the first time i feel like tat even though i've been backstabbed by many other ppl bfore.
I dunno whether im diappointed in her or wad. ... I dunnoe.... Anyways....she didnt come for cip at all....as she said that she was giddy...then she went back to sleep without tellling me that she wont be coming and that i should go alone. haiz.... sometimes i would still find some reasons to defend her.... like maybe she really forgot to tell me and that her mum went out, and shes was like sleeping like a log that she didnt even hear me calling her handphone number and her house number for so many times....
maybe she did... maybe she didnt....i could be wrong. we could all be wrong abt her.... i dunno.... i feel like crying for another 3 hours.... haiz....am i backstabbed??
everyone around me says i am.... and why does it hurt so much ???? .... am i really gg emo and crazy??? Can i still trust her??? Can we go back to the past??? i wan to.... i dun wan to grow up le.... Can i get stronger?? i wan to..... also please dun ever ask me to tell you her name.... I dun bad impressions being made.... and i mean it......gtg..... my keyboard gg to spoil le.... haha....
eehui- gg back being icy again ??? will i???
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